I'll Walk With You
I’ll Walk with You is hosted by Rhonda Monson and Dakota Moses, mother and son.
Rhonda is a licensed mental health counselor for the state of Washington, life coach, and she facilitates personal growth retreats.
Her website is www.yourjourneyservices.com
Dakota is a professional singer, actor, hairdresser, and overall creative.
Rhonda is an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Dakota is deeply spiritual, and has been married to his husband for 8 years. Both Rhonda and Dakota have felt the call to use their voices for peace, deeper connections, and more unity in this ever divisive and darkening world. This is why they have chosen to do this podcast, and why they have chosen the name "I’ll Walk with You," as each week they share an episode highlighting how we can be more unified in our walk with others in this life.
I'll Walk With You
Doree Handford
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A Parent's Paradise Charities founder Doree Handford is a mother of six, childbirth educator, doula, speaker, and passionate advocate for families who believes parents were never meant to do this alone. Drawing from nearly two decades of experience supporting families through pregnancy, birth, and early parenthood — while also raising four children on the autism spectrum — she has dedicated her life to creating spaces where parents feel seen, supported, and empowered. Through her nonprofit work, public speaking, and community events like Mom Prom, Doree is leading a movement to break generational cycles of isolation and overwhelm by building stronger communities around parents. Her vision is not only to provide practical resources and respite care, but to help create a cultural shift where asking for support is normalized and families can truly thrive.
Hello, and welcome back to I'll Walk With You, the podcast where we have conversations all about how we can be more unified on our walk through life together. My name is Dakota Moses.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Rhonda Munsen, we're glad to have you with us. And this is our friend Dory. And Dory's going to tell us a little bit about her.
SPEAKER_02I'm Dory Hanford. And I'm a childbirth educator and I doula and a founder of a nonprofit for helping parents thrive instead of be forced into survival mode.
SPEAKER_01Which is beautiful. And we're super excited to have you with us. Dory's a very good friend of my sister-in-law, um, Becky Merchant. And Becky, when she knew we were doing this podcast and she listened to a couple episodes, and she's just like, You need my friend Dory. And so we're very happy that you're here. We actually did record before, and the internet was so not cooperating that we had Dory drive from Cordelaine, Idaho to Spokane, Washington, so that she could join us in person so that we could have this conversation again. And we're so thankful.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm so happy to be here with you guys. Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Thank you.
SPEAKER_00So, Dory, we um we love your work. We really admire what it is that you're all about and what you do. Um, truly it's uh it seems so under underrated and uh and also necessary for the community. But we would love uh for you to just give us an overview of what it is that you are you do in a day-to-day uh with your work.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Well, I just got done hosting our third annual mom prom. So my day-to-day, the last little bit has been contacting, doing all these things, get getting the community involved. Um I remember April 1st was our cutoff date for all of the sponsors to donate something for raffle prizes. And April 1st came around and we had like 37 sponsors, and the previous two years we had about 80. So I was like, oh no. So I just I was like rallying around, like, hey, hey, remember, like, hey, come and come and donate. So um I was pretty um awestruck when I found out we actually had 89 sponsors.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02Um thank you. I was working really hard and it was just people were like, yeah, I'll donate, but then you know, getting back in touch with them and stuff. So my last little day today has been trying to connect with the community and helping us to um spread awareness about our mission and what we're trying to do. We also just participated in Idaho Gives. So it's a giving initiative for this last week. I think it's like the fourth to the seventh, and it was like everybody was pushing to give to these charities. So we were a part of that and miraculously raised like $1,100, which like it was our first time even trying it, which was cool.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, so people are responding, people are seeing and recognizing that there is this need in our society, in our community. Um, one of the things that I always tell people is like the surgeon general even came out and said that parenting is in crisis right now, that people are isolated and alone. And so one in seven moms having postpartum mood disorders is way too high for our society. And we gotta change it. We gotta change how we help parents become parents. And so many of us, I'm sure that you've that you can point to multiple people in your life, but we suffer from our parents having trauma, and then they're raising us and doing the best they can with that trauma. Yeah. And nobody's like, hey, parent, let me help you so you don't lay all this on the next generation.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Um, because we all need to like build and grow and become, but there's nobody there to just support parents. Parents are blamed for everything, right? Like you really screwed up there, you know, your reason why this kid is messed up. But nobody's like, hey, let me walk alongside you, let me help you. Um, as you transition into parenthood, here's some really good skills when you're overwhelmed or emotional. Because guess what? You're gonna be not, you know, you have to be calm, be calm all the time. Well, that's impossible for any human being when their buttons are pushed all the time, right? Yes, mom, mom, mom. You know, like you need those moments of respite and um relaxation and centering your nervous system in order to be the best version of yourself. If you're constantly drowning, you're not gonna be good for anybody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I feel like the the mom prom courtelain that you have uh helped facilitate, that's just kind of the cherry on the top of uh of the real substance of the work that you do. I would love to hear more about um the resources that uh your nonprofit um offers for uh for moms and uh and families who are stepping into parenthood. Um, like you said, there's such a there's such a need for emotional and um I guess community support um for for new parents. Um and you're also a doula, correct?
SPEAKER_02Yes, I am. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um I would I would I would love to back up a little bit and talk about what resources you offer and what needs you see um within within our communities.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so as a doula, part of my part of my work is walking alongside parents, helping them to understand what they're about to go through and how to maneuver it and what is gonna make it better, um, what's gonna help them cope. We all have been given coping skills. We we know when we slam our finger in the door, we know like we're gonna do a number of things. We're either gonna go like this, we're gonna hold it, we're gonna cuss. You know, we have these built-in coping mechanisms. So it's more about like helping people to know how they already cope. So I do that and then I help hold these parents while they're in labor, and then postpartum checking in with them and making sure that you know, nursing is going well and and those kinds of things. That's what I've been doing for the last 20 years is walking alongside parents in that way and in childbirth education, really giving them the tools that more like I feel like I'm not necessarily giving them very much, I'm more pulling it out of them. Yeah, right. Yeah. Uh so that work is really important, but daily, like I'm on all sorts of Facebook mom groups, right? And daily I see women, I'm just so irritable. I don't know what to do about this, I don't know how to handle this situation. I see them struggling, and I've myself struggled, right? I have six kids, and when I had my first three, I didn't have a lot of. I don't know, I grew up in 10 with 10 kids. I'm the baby of 10. Wow, kids were running in and out, I was taking care of my nieces and nephews. This was just my childhood growing up. There was a lot of people, a community and a village within my own family. And so when I became a parent, I felt insanely isolated because it was me and my husband away from family. So I really just I noticed there's there's this isolation happening, and I can see it daily. So daily, like reaching out to people, being like, hey, what is it that you need? We had a a mom on a Facebook group say, I am stressed, stressed out. My house is so overwhelming, things are so disorganized and out of disarray, and I don't know where to even begin, right? So we gathered just a couple of our volunteers and we went to her house and we just started getting rid of stuff and cleaning things up and like cleared a room, right? Um what that can do for your mental well-being and what that can do to like bring that momentum to like keep it to where you want to be. Um just those little things that we try to offer young families. And I feel like I'm just throwing a starfish into the sea, right? Like I'm just like here, let me help you here, let me help you here. Like, we're not, it's our third year, and we're not helping on this mass level that I would like, you know, I just want to change the world now. Um, but we are helping one mom at a time, you know.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02We're helping one, you know, one mom get a doula because she has a high-risk pregnancy and wouldn't have been able to afford a doula on her own. So it's those kinds of things that we are trying to do right now. And mom prom is the cherry on top, but it's also very magical to see a room full of moms actually get a minute where they feel pretty. Like, I don't know, like I know that sometimes in motherhood we just, you know, stop showering, looking frumpy, feeling like not feeling our best. And so it's nice to just get dressed up and be around other women and and lift each other up. So even though it's like the cherry on top, it's also it's an amazing part of the work that we do and getting the word out into our community of what we want in our community.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I've been working with women for over 25 years through personal growth women's retreats, and now as a mental health counselor and life coach. And it is amazing to me because we as women love our children. There's no one that we would take a bullet for like we would our kids. We're sitting right here, so I'll start crying. But there's no one, no one that, right? Yep. And yet being a mom is the hardest. I can't think of anything harder. I can't. Every job I've ever had, or any, there's just not a job that's harder because it just is it's so emotional, and it's the one you care most about and you want to do the very best with. And so it's just like this really huge emotional thing. And then postpartum after giving birth, then you have this surge of hormones going through you, which makes you feel crazy and often comes with depression. And so I love that you're doing uh the postpartum visits.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because I think that's when, yeah, labor's hard. All of us who've given birth will test. It's really painful and it's really hard, but it has an end. And then you have this amazing gift. It's the after. It's the after. It's the after, and and trying to be a a good mom, a good parent when you have no clue what you're doing. And all the emotions that come with that. And it doesn't matter what age, because he's 30. It doesn't matter at all the age. You're always a mom. Once once you have that small human enter your life, you're a mom forever, and it impacts everything. And it's beautiful and it's sacred, and it's the very, very, very best. And it is the very, very, very hardest.
SPEAKER_02It really is. And I mean, that's our ultimate goal and mission is to create a physical location. So we are in talks with a a church in Post Falls currently that has like this space that's just not being used because their members are all older. And who knows what will come of it. But like we need a physical space. Yeah. Because asking for help is hard. And it's a lot easier if you've been up all night um with a baby to know, like, I'm just gonna go here. I know that they're gonna be there for me. They're gonna tuck me in and let me take a nap and hang out with my kid so that I can decompress and have rest and become a normal human being and not this high strung overwhelmed.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02Um, so that's that's our next step is that we really we know that the way that our society is, is there isn't there's minimal villages, right? There's minimal, like, you know, back when I was growing up, we're running in and out of everybody's neighbor, you know, in everybody's house. We were everywhere. Be home before dark. Yeah, parents didn't know where we were. And that's just that's not the scene today. And parents have to be on a lot, right? And vigilant and making sure. And, you know, okay, is my kid out in the front yard? Are they gonna be safe? There, there's all this extra worry that comes with this generation that I think not that other generations didn't worry, but it's different right now. And there isn't that village. And so, I mean, my mission is to create that bill that village so parents can just walk in and be like, come, I'm out, I'm tapped. All right, I would love to go tuck you in and take care of your kid and and just give you that minute to refresh or just be with us, you know. I think that for me, when my kids were little and how intense it was, and going through postpartum depression, just being alone with my kids was kind of brought a lot of anxiety for me. Um I was always like, we got to go somewhere. Where are we gonna go? We're gonna go here, we're gonna go there, everywhere. Um, and so just having a space that you could go in, you could just be with your kids even and and not be in your house. Yeah. Like I would love someday for our slogan to be let your kids climb all our walls, you know, like come over here, let your kids climb our walls and and take a minute, take a beat. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I love that so much. I do I remember being a young mom, and I just even loved going to a friend's house that had little kids as well, bringing my little kids, they could just play, and we would eat lunch together, and it was just like the best. And I'd go home so much happier and lighter, and kids were happy because they got to play with friends, and so it was just like this wonderful respite.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it feels like oh, you can breathe. Yeah, yeah, it's it's important. It is. And I mean, when I was going through post-partm depression, I would like, I would see a mom walking down the street and I'd be like, What's up? You got one of those too? Like, let's hang out, let's be friends. Um, but not everybody is like that, right? Like, not everybody is gonna be like, oh, let's hang, you know, some people don't know how to interact or connect. And so having a space where they could come and they know other women are kind of in the same spot as them. And not only women, I I really dads are so important. They are so essential. And they need support too. They're they're going through the things too, right? And you know, one in ten dads have postpartum mood disorders, and we do not talk about that enough. We don't talk about the strain and the responsibility that they have. Right.
SPEAKER_01So well, they come home if if dad's working, mom's at home. I'm just throwing if yeah, yeah. But if mom's with new baby, she's still home, dad goes to work, he comes home, and and wife or girlfriend are not the same person that they were before the baby. No, no, no, no. And they're tired and they're cranky and they're stressed, and they're like, ah, and so they just worked, and now they get to come home to uh, you know, and so work some more. And work some more, yeah, or a void, you know, but either way it's it feels heavy.
SPEAKER_02Even though void feels heavy, it's not a good and so there needs to be new pathways of learning how this works and understanding and compassion.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I think really if you look at um if you look at history, it wasn't until relatively recently that um, you know, we we started becoming fiercely independent and doing things on our own. And um within kind of the American, the Americanized atomic family unit, you know, of oh, well, we all live in separate houses now and we all have our separate jobs and we all have our separate grocery runs and and everything. Whereas before, all throughout time in history, with with few outliers and exceptions, you know, we really were living communally. We had um we had gardens, you know, that we we shared with one another, and everyone's kids would run out in the in the fields and be together and um work together. Exactly. Work together, play together, yeah, pray together, eat together, like everything was done communally, and that burden, that load was shared among um among more pillars, you know. When you start taking away those pillars and you're just standing by yourself, that's a lot of responsibility. And there's something there's something to be said and um and applauded for you know being independent. That is a a very it's a good thing. But when we when we think that, oh, I should be able to do this, I should be able to handle this, I should be able to do this, and for some reason I'm not able to. Well, throughout all time in history, you weren't expected to do that by yourself, like ever.
SPEAKER_02Right. And I feel like there's been this um thought that women have in their heads that they have to be super moms, superhuman, and recognizing like because I think that's why women or men when they have kids, they don't reach out for help, is because that mentality of like, well, you have oh, you need help. What do you mean you need help?
SPEAKER_01It makes you feel like you're not a good parent.
SPEAKER_02Yes, where it's like actually you're actually can we shift it? You're a good parent when you reach out for help. You're a good parent when you recognize, like, hey, I need a break or I'm going to snap. You know, like that's what a good parent is. A good parent is those those that recognize I'm gonna be my best self for my kid. And my best self is not my best self if I'm not, you know, nourishing my body. Because so often we'll put the baby in front of everything else, which of course that's just your natural thing, and it's good. But if you're not feeding yourself and you're not, like I said, showering or like taking care of yourself. One of the things that I notice is that men always take a shower. Women in their brain are like, no, I can uh I don't have time or the baby or the things. But men will get up and they'll take a shower and they'll go to their things, right? They they probably it's it's just that our brains are like, no, we can't do that. Extra thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. No, it's so interesting. You say that. And Dakota was my firstborn. And I'm just reflecting upon that time 30, almost 31 years ago. And so interesting because I do remember like showers were a big they were like a privilege all the time. They were a big deal. Because I remember I would bring him into the bathroom with me. Like we had a dirty clothes pile. So I'd put him in the dirty clothes pile so that he wouldn't, you know, he's safe. And I would take a shower, but like look out all the time, like just making sure. Yes. Yes. Sorry. But it was so nerve-wracking. Yeah. It was so nerve-wracking. And I don't know how that long that lasted. I just I just remember when he was brand new, terrified to take a shower. Terrified to leave his side. If he breathed different or started crying, I wouldn't hear him. So I brought him in the bathroom with me. Yeah. I just think that's funny because I'm like, oh, I relate.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That mental load is a real thing to just all the things that you worry about as a parent. Um, yeah, we do need that village. And gosh, I think everybody today is like, well, how do we build a commune? How do we, you know, like there's so many people like gathering around being like, how do we do this? Because it does feel better. It does feel better to have a community um around you when you're raising a family. Uh, but that's not what's happening in our society. And I think I think parents today are more afraid because of all the things we hear, all that we're exposed to. If you go back to back in the day, they were just exposed to their community. Yeah. We're exposed to the world.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. We know all the bad things that can happen.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we do. We know all those things. So that anxiety and not being able to trust anybody. And I mean, I've talked to so many parents that are just so tapped out and drained, but they won't let anybody watch their kid. And that's scary because then they're working at this like survival mentality, and they're not in, they don't even know what thriving looks like. Yeah, they don't recognize it anymore.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Oh, it's so true. It's absolutely true. I think about being here in Spokane, and even though I was across town being a young mom, I had my mom, I had my dad and my stepmom. Yeah, I had my husband's mom. So I had a village. Yep. Even if they weren't next door, which I I would have loved if they were next door, right? But I still had them and I relied on them greatly. My mom was the only one. He he was a very sad little baby and cried a lot. And my mom was the only one who could get him to not cry for the first five months of his life. Yeah. And so that was so important to me because I could go and she was working full-time, but I could go to her apartment. And then when she'd come home, I don't know. She just had the grandma magic touch. She had a fussy baby herself, my brother. And so she just she would, she didn't have the I'm doing this wrong feeling. And so I don't think she put that anxiety on him. Yeah. You know, I put that on him because I'm like, I'm not good enough, you know, obviously, because I can't get my own baby to stop crying, you know. But my mom just had this calm. And so she could always get him to just fall asleep and be, you know, it's so it's so important.
SPEAKER_02And I I've lived both ways too. Um I had I was living in Seattle, my little Seattle Freeze area, you know, where like nobody connects with anybody. Um and I had my first three kids, and then I moved here, I mean, to Court Alane. And uh my mom was in the vicinity, and like I found out my kids had autism, and so I was able to hire her, which gave me a little bit of relief, like to not put all that burden on her. And um my son would just be the hardest kid to get ready in the morning, and he had this attitude, and he was, I didn't, you know, you always wonder, are they gonna be a serial killer? Are they gonna be what are they gonna end up being? This is scary, but like um, she was able to get him ready in the morning, and that shifted our whole dynamic, me and my sons. And um my brother-in-law moved in when COVID happened, right? And me and him were not like the closest. He's my husband's twin brother. So he was like, you married my brother and you took him from me, and you know, he changed his whole being, you know, kind of a thing. So we we uh it took our relationship was a little bit prickly at first, but like he moved in and he changed the way my kids did things. Like he was like, all right, 10 push-ups if you did that, you know, as a parent, you don't have the energy to be like 10 push-ups, or but he started like really being involved in their life, and just it was like, oh my gosh, I have a village, and my children shifted, and that same kid is seriously like the coolest teenager I've ever known. Like, I don't I don't understand it. Like, I mean, I do to an extent, but like I was not like that as a teenager, but like he is just one of the kindest, happiest kids. And I I just remember I got a call from the vice principal, right? And you're always like, oh no, what is this about? Lee's like, I have to tell you about your son. There was a kid um in the lunchroom who was just having a meltdown and wasn't doing well. He's kind of mentally challenged, and um your son just got up. Nobody told him anything. He just got up and like went and wrapped his arms around him, and by the end of lunch, they were laughing and all this stuff. And I was just like, oh, thank goodness, thank goodness that that you know, you've turned out to be this incredible person, but I do feel like I need a distance, I needed a buffer, I needed somebody else to be there and kind of step in for our relationship to thrive and for him to thrive because when you're in it as a parent, yeah, sometimes you can't see the answer. You can't see like, why is this kid acting like this? What? You know, I I found out he had autism a little bit later than most people. So it was also this thing of like, why does your brain function like this? Like, why can't you? He would ask me questions and it would sound like talking back. And as a parent, you're like, don't you talk back? You know, don't you think about it. Um, and it would rev me up. So it was really nice to get that buffer. So I've seen it in my own life that like that village or somebody else stepping in and and being there. It's not weakness, it's strength because it builds your whole family. Yeah, I've seen it for myself.
SPEAKER_01We need others, we need others in parenthood, in life, yeah, in every part of being human. We need others. Like we we are meant to be in community, and and we have become very, very isolated. It started with cell phones, that was a huge shift, and we're still living the consequences of that. Um, and then COVID just completely shifted us. I know in my career, you know, like the number of clients shot through the roof, you know, and we need we need each other, not this way with the phone in front of us, but we need each other in this way. We need to talk, we need to go to lunch, we need to um cry with one another. We need each other, we need to connect, we need to actually physically touch each other too. I was a massage therapist for years and we talked a lot about how important touch is for our well-being, not just physical, but emotional, mental well-being. We need human connection, and that is exactly what you're teaching and doing, which is really quite beautiful.
SPEAKER_02Well, thank you. Yeah, I mean, you guys too are doing the right thing.
SPEAKER_00I think also it's uh something important for us to recognize that you know, we all we all want a village, but not always are we willing and ready to be a villager. Um and I think that if we I think I think that if we want to see any kind of change in the world, we need to, we need to be that change, you know, like Mahatma Gandhi said, be the change that you want to see in the world. Um, or if you look at just kind of like the universal laws of attraction and everything, you you first need to be the thing that you want in your life, and then that will come. So if we want a if we want a village, we have to be willing to show up for others. We have to be willing to, when our when our friend or neighbor or coworker or loved one is sick, you know, be the person that shows up with a casserole, you know, to their doorstep and bring that to them. When you see somebody struggling and with their children, be willing to at least offer, you know, offer help. Sometimes it is. Um sometimes I think we are so caught up in the I should be able to do this myself, so we're not willing to ask for the help. So when we see somebody who is going through something difficult, um be willing to humbly and kindly and lovingly offer um, offer your assistance, offer your presence. Um, even if it is just, hey, you know, I know you're really overwhelmed right now, and I know you probably don't want to talk to anybody. We can sit in silence and knit, um, just so that you're not alone. Um being willing to be that villager, being willing to be the kind of person that we wish that we had in a time of difficulty is so incredibly important and um essential to understand, I think. So I love what you're doing with um with stepping in and offering help because you know that you needed that kind of resource at that time of need. Um and also I think the hope would be that as you reach out and help and as you offer this, uh, these resources to these men and women who are stepping into parenthood, um that they can then recognize that, oh, this this helped me a ton. And once they are maybe not through to the other side of it, because what even is that?
SPEAKER_02I know what is that.
SPEAKER_00But when when they are at a at a steady place or where they um, you know, are are back to that state of thriving, you know, where they have more to extend, then they can become uh that that villager where they're able to extend help. And it kind of just spider webs out.
SPEAKER_02It really does. Um I that's kind of the whole point. Like if people are not thriving and they're in constant survival mode, they can't look beyond themselves. They can only see what's in front of them. And that's that is the goal and the shift. I I have to say, like, this is exactly what what happened to me. So when I had post-parm depression, I was in a at my church, they didn't have activities, they didn't have like things for young moms, they didn't do any of these kinds of things. And I would like plead, like, please, can we can we just have an activity? You know, thinking that like that would be the ticket. But what I ha actually ended up having to do, I think I read something somewhere that was like bloom where you're planted. Like, you're here, you're in this situation. What are you gonna do in this situation? And so, like I said, I kind of like, hey, what are you doing, mom walking down the street? But like I had to be the community builder, and that's not where I wanted to be. Yeah, I wanted somebody else to prepare the thing, I would show up and get the support that I needed. But I instead I had to be the one that's like, we're coming over to my house at, you know, Friday at five, come on over. You know, I had to be this person, step way out of my comfort zone to start being that villager because I needed a village. And I actually like it was hard for me to ask people for help, right? Like I didn't want to burden anybody, I didn't want to bother anybody. So I would serve people so much that like I felt I could ask them for support. So is that so? Like I remember I had to be like, hey, I'll help you, like I'll help, you know, and then I felt like, hey, could you help me to do this? But like that's that's what it is, right? You know that like when people are um serving each other and showing up for each other in that way, you feel you feel more connected. Yeah, you feel like you can be a part of them. You feel like, okay, you showed up for me. I'm showing up for you. We're we're doing it together. And I think you can never wait for the perfect moment, like you said. You have to kind of start being that villager while you're in the thick of it. You there's there is not gonna, it's not gonna shift automatically one time when you're like, oh, I can breathe again. Who can I help? You know, but you're gonna start to have to help people while you're drowning. Yeah, you're gonna have to be like, Well, I'm drowning too, but there's a stick right there. Like maybe you could get, you know, like we need to start being that, even when we're in the survival mode.
SPEAKER_01I I would say some of the greatest things come out of humans being out of survival mode. Yeah. That's how I started retreats. I started doing a women's support group that met at my house twice a month because I was drowning. Yeah. Because I was struggling. You needed because of the things I was going through. I couldn't afford therapy and I needed help. And so I knew other women who were just going through not the same as me, but different struggles. And I'm like, let's just support each other. And so twice a month we met and it grew, and then it turned into these women's retreats that I've now been doing for over 25 years. We we sometimes, if you're in that low pit, you know, look at maybe what you can do to create a difference. Because some of the greatest things that I've been able to create in my life came out of my darkest moments because something needed to be different. Absolutely. And so we we create because it's like something's gotta give. That's true. No one's no one's reaching out, you know. Well, no one knew for one thing. Right. No one knew because you're not gonna go and say, We should, I agree. It would be good if we felt confident enough to say, I'm really struggling, but it's really hard to do unless you're in a safe space, unless you feel safe. And so sometimes if you need it, create it. I wanted to piggyback one more thing on something that you shared about being that villager. Sometimes being that villager is just giving the benefit of the doubt when you see the mom at the store who's super stressed, and her kids are and you're like, I wouldn't do it that way. Give her the benefit of the doubt. You know, sometimes it's just looking at the mom and going, like, oh man, I remember those days. You're doing a good job, mom. I have so many moms just like, oh, thank you. Thank you for like, oh, I can do this day. And then, you know, just that. You're doing a good job. I remember that. I remember feeling that you're not alone. And you just see the load lift. Just give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember, if you've been a parent, remember what that felt like. Don't don't be the cranky person on the plane. You know, don't be the cranky person in the grocery store who's just judging the young moms who are just doing the best they can. Yeah. When they got three little humans or two little humans or a screaming baby in the shopping cart. Absolutely. It's hard because you already know people around you're like, uh, get the baby out. You know, and it just intensifies. It does, it does. So give the benefit of the doubt.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. I think that small words and acts of kindness go such a long way, so much further than than we often recognize. But if we can remember those moments where somebody extends something like that to us and um and recognize how big of an impact it truly has. Um, and I think that it also goes into other aspects of our community as well. Um I I saw this meme recently that it was um, you know, just a pile of litter on a on a side of like a dirt patch on the side of the road, right? And the caption was, oh, somebody should really do something about that. Uh like it's uh it's outsourcing, you know, the help or the change or the influence. It's outsourcing it to somebody else, offloading it, putting it on somebody else's plate of responsibility. Uh so that again, the caption said, Oh, somebody should really do something about that. And then underneath the second caption was, you're somebody. And then it showed like the the second the second picture of it all cleaned up and somebody standing there with, you know, a bag of garbage that they had cleaned up. Um I think so often, you know, within just kind of our our culture and maybe just our human nature, we often kind of play the I'll I'll say damsel in distress almost a little bit, um, where we we wait for we wait for a hero or a rescuer or somebody to come along and and magically fix everything for us. Um and that often just isn't isn't the case. So again, while while I think it's it's damaging and and and dangerous to put the expectation on yourself to be able to do everything, um being willing to to put in some sort of uh of effort, even if it's just getting a toe wet. Yeah. And and just doing something, inviting a friend over, again, even if it's just to sit and knit and not talk, or um, or like you said, when you're drowning, even just being willing to say, hey, you know, I see that you you need some help, you know, let me let me do that, let me help you with that. Um I I just I think that we all can we all can be doing more for others, we all can be doing more for ourselves. Uh and like you said, you know, when we offer more help to others, um not only are the the other person more naturally inclined to help you as well, but also I think it makes it easier to like like you said, to accept that help when you know that it's something that you have or would do for the other person.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um I was talking to a friend about that uh yesterday actually, um, about just relationships. Um, you know, right now he's uh he's single and enjoying that, but also, you know, looking forward to a relationship in the future. And we were just Talking about what kind of what kind of person he wants to be and what kind of man you want to be. And um, you know, I I just shared kind of my my own perception of uh of relationships and which is I think that in order for us to I guess uh attract the kind of person that we would like to have as a partner, we also need to be the kind of partner that that person would want.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that it starts with us. We have to, if we want somebody who's, you know, I don't know, physically fit and successful in their career, or this, that, and the other, somebody who takes care of the house, somebody who cooks well, you know, all of those things, we should probably do those things for ourselves, you know, because the kind of person who does those things is probably not going to settle for somebody who doesn't, first of all. But also um it just prepares you to be able to um, I guess, take care of um that person and and share those responsibilities and enjoy them with one another. Um I just suppose that with anything, you know, again, be the change that you wish to see. If you see a need, fill it. Don't wait for somebody else to come along and do it for you. Um, because then there's a lot of people walking past the pile of litter, you know, that's just going to continue accumulating and grow. Yeah um compared to the two pieces of trash that you could have picked up a week ago when you saw.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, so I I I think that it's important for us to um make little changes and adjustments where where we where we can, where we're able, and where we see um, where we see a need. Uh I I just think that that's a really key important part of becoming a villager.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely true. Absolutely true.
SPEAKER_01Well, I really appreciate you being a part of this with us. And um, I love the work that you do. When Becky first told me about you and the things that you do, I just I think it's amazing. She first told me about the mom prom. And just again, because I've worked with women most of my adult life. Women do, we we do. There's something really wonderful about those times when you're doing your hair and your makeup and you're putting pretty clothes on. And there's something really magical about that, and to celebrate that. Um, so thank you. Thank you for giving that gift to women. I love the work that you're doing with families too. Like you just are making a huge difference. I know you're like, I wanted to change the whole world. I know, right? But you are changing the whole world for someone's world. Right. You know, you think about how many women, you said 200. 240 this year. 240 women came to the mom prom. That's 240 women that you touched their lives. And then you think about all the women that you've been a doula for, and you think about all the families that you're working with postpartum with. That's beautiful. And you are changing the world because it is. It's like throwing the pebble in the lake, right? And it's those ripples. It's the ripples, yeah. It's the ripples. And how do we change the world one thing at a time? Yeah. One little thing at a time by hopefully shining light, you know, by hopefully making that difference for one person for one person. It's it's how we do it. Yeah. I mean, yes, there are those ones that are like the maybe the social media influencers that have thousands of followers. Yeah, there are those. And that's great. I follow some of those, I love some of those, and I think they're fantastic. But every little thing that we do, it matters, it matters, absolutely absolutely matters. Absolutely true. So thank you for doing the work and thank you for being here. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00So you say that your your goal is to have a physical location. Um, and I'm sure that the kind of work that you're doing with or without a physical location requires a lot of support, a lot of resources. Um, what would be, I guess, your call to action or invitation for um for your organizations that you support, um, for your own nonprofit? What are needs that you have um for the institution of your organization in order to support families? What do you need? What can we do to help?
SPEAKER_02Well, definitely um having a physical place. I mean, I just see that being the best answer. I've I've hosted recharge and restore classes for moms, and it's like this class that I have to go to at this different time, instead of like just the showing up to a place, I see that there's a huge difference in the two, right? Like growing with other moms or growing with other dads in the same area with it all connected. So, I mean, if anybody knows of a physical occasion um that a nonprofit could could work out of, that would be great. And then um just share the word about what we're trying to do. We'll get to the right person, the right um collaborator that will be like, I want to do this with you.
SPEAKER_01And so this would be North Idaho, talking about cordaline, talking about um my brain just totally goes dead. Post falls, thank you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, anywhere in North Idaho. Um I, you know, maybe someday we get Spokane too. But right now, being just our little tiny self that we are, we gotta focus on North I think.
SPEAKER_01Well, I love that you said post falls because that's like between it is so between it is Coralane. So that would be central for yeah, for anybody to come either way.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00What is the name of your organization?
SPEAKER_02We keep talking about it, but we haven't actually it's called A Parent's Paradise Charities. So uh when I was struggling in postpartum depression, I just imagined, you know, a spot I could go and get support, and I thought that would be paradise. So yeah, it's a parents paradise. Like I want them to walk in and just be like, oh, I can take this coat off this load that I have for a short minute and get respite.
SPEAKER_00So do you have a website or any other contact information, social media?
SPEAKER_02Apparentsparadise charities.com. I'm on Instagram and Facebook. We might be on TikTok. Um we might need to work on our TikTok a little bit. Um, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, apparentsparadise charities.com. Wonderful, wonderful.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, thank you for that.
SPEAKER_00Well, Dory, thank you so much for joining us today. Truly, thank you so much. Um, and I know it wasn't a crazy long drive, but thank you for making the long drive to come and have a sit-down conversation with us. Um, I suppose, just in conclusion, in your own words, how do you believe that we can all be more unified on our walk through life together?
SPEAKER_02We need to to start seeing each other as children of God and seeing each other for the best in ourselves. We're flawed. We're human, we're not robots, right? So just my favorite quote in the whole world is from Mother Teresa. If you judge someone, you have no time to love them. Uh I would I really feel like our world is so divided. It's like you're this, I'm not wanting anything to do with you. Yeah. Um that's just not the way that's not what Jesus said when he said, Go feed my sheep. I think he really wanted us to see each other the way we're meant to be seen, not by the labels that we're given in society. Um, so I I know that that would make the world just better all around. If we could just stop judging each other.
SPEAKER_00It would. Absolutely.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, again, thank you so much for joining us, Dory.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_00We love you. We're so grateful for you, and we are just cheering you on with everything that you're doing, and um excited to see what we can do to get involved as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_00Of course, thank you. And thank you, everyone, for joining us for another week of I'll walk with you until next time. We love you. Continue to be the be the light and be the change that you want to see, and um see what you can do to reach out for uh a friend in need. Um, or if you need anything, remember we're there for you. There's somebody that loves you. Reach out, have a great day.